


Take Me Back to the Start

by foreverandalwaysvictorious



Category: Dynasty (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Can you tell I'm obsessed with her?, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/F, Flashbacks, I basically made Kirby me as a child, I probably made Fallon too soft but I don't care, Kirby and Fallon were friends before the fire and no one can take that away from me, Kirby is an animal lover, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Two Shot, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24846040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverandalwaysvictorious/pseuds/foreverandalwaysvictorious
Summary: Dedicated to all the Firbys for their continued support and inspiration that keeps me writing. Thank you @fallizbian for putting this challenge together! Thank you Niamh for beta-ing and hyping me up. I don't think I would've finished this without you and Wren keeping me in check.
Relationships: Kirby Anders/Fallon Carrington
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21
Collections: Hesitate





	1. You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to all the Firbys for their continued support and inspiration that keeps me writing. Thank you @fallizbian for putting this challenge together! Thank you Niamh for beta-ing and hyping me up. I don't think I would've finished this without you and Wren keeping me in check.

Standing at the window of your 34th story apartment, you watch the sky turn from bright shades of yellow and orange to deep purples and blues as night settles over the city. The buildings light up one by one against the dark sky. The way the world is slowly blanketed by darkness brings a sense of calm over you. This night is special for many reasons. It is not only the anniversary of the night you and Fallon first confessed your love to each other, but it will hopefully also be the night that she agrees to be your wife.

You’re nervous, but thinking back on all you’ve been through together, there isn’t a good reason for you to think twice about this decision. Sam helped you pick out the perfect ring, a silver band with an inset peach diamond, which you look at once again, enjoying how it sparkles in the dim light. The box closes with a snap and you roll it around in your hands, suddenly realizing how heavy it feels. You slide it back into your jacket pocket for safekeeping just as Fallon comes into the room.

“Hey, are you ready?”

“Yeah. You look beautiful.”

“Well I hope so. I did spend two hours getting ready.” She fluffs her hair one more time with her fingers before extending her hand out to you. “Shall we go?”

You accept, lacing your fingers in hers as you two head out for your evening date.

* * *

When you wake up that Sunday morning, you can hardly contain your excitement. It’s the day you’ve been waiting for all week. You’re all packed and ready to move, leaving your current home to live in the one where your father works. The owner, Mr. Carrington, graciously welcomes you all when you arrive. You have seen pictures of the manor before, but it's larger than you could’ve ever imagined. You feel tiny as you stand in the entryway with your mother as various staff members help you unload your things. Once you’re settled and beginning to decorate your room, your father comes to your room to introduce Mr. Carrington’s children to you. You don’t have any siblings, so living in a place with other kids feels foreign.

Mr. Carrington’s daughter, Fallon, intrigues you. She doesn’t seem to have an interest in the same things that you do, opting for dolls and dress up rather than playing outside, but you try to be her friend, eager to impress her even when she tries to ignore you. Her older brother Steven seems like someone you could get along with, but he’s usually busy with other activities and you don’t blame him for not wanting another kid “sister” hanging around him.

Your first memorable “adventure” with Fallon involves a series of events.

While exploring the gardens, you find and successfully catch a frog. You make your way back to the manor to show off your trophy to your parents but run into Fallon on the way.

“Fallon! Look at what I found!”

“Ew! Why would you bring that in the house? It’s gross. Keep it away from me!” Her face scrunches in disgust.

Unfortunately, it wiggles just enough to escape from your grasp. Fallon screams as the frog lands with an audible splat on the marble floor before continuing to hop further into the house.

“Help me get it!” you yell as you scramble to grab it.

Luckily it doesn’t get farther than the main entry hall. You’re able to secure it while Fallon opens the front door to let you outside. You set it in a nearby planter and it quickly hops away.

“You’re lucky Daddy didn’t catch us,” Fallon says. “You can’t do that again.”

But the thrill of the hunt keeps you active. Critters of all shapes and sizes can’t escape you, and you’re eager to show Fallon each specimen, to her obvious annoyance. From worms to rodents, she acts appalled at the sight, but sometimes you pique her interest with a random fact you’ve learned from one of your many animal books. Your teasing goes too far when you decide to hide a dead lizard in her bedroom in retaliation for calling you a nerd. She refuses to talk to you for a week. To amend this mistake, you force her to come outside to reveal your latest discovery.

“It better not be anything scaly or slimy,” she warns as you pull her along into the grassy field, one hand covering her eyes. 

“I promise. It’s not, but you have to be quiet.”

When you’ve reached your destination, you guide her to sit on the ground next to you before allowing her to open her eyes. While exploring the backyard, you’ve stumbled upon a nest of baby rabbits, tightly rolled and piled on one another. You watch Fallon’s face light up with genuine interest.

“We can’t touch them, but we can look at them,” you tell her. “Their mom will come back to feed them after the sun goes down.”

You spend every day for the next three weeks checking on the nest. Sometimes Fallon is even the one to suggest you two should go outside. They change before your eyes until they are finally grown and gone, joining the rest of the wildlife in the forest. You don’t know what to do with yourself the next day when your daily routine has been disrupted by the rabbits’ departure. You want to continue hanging out with Fallon, but aren’t sure how to convince her to keep being your friend. Luckily, you don’t have to.

“There’s some tadpoles in the pond by the pool,” she tells you when she sees you at breakfast. “I heard the gardener say something about them to Daddy this morning. Maybe we can go look at them later?”

You two spend the rest of spring into summer finding various critters to track. It isn’t long before your animal related activities aren’t suitable for the blistering Georgia heat. As you transition to playing inside together instead, Fallon takes to inviting you to her room to share her robust collection of Barbie’s and other toys.

* * *

One day when you’re in the stable with Fallon, who has graciously decided to teach you how to braid her horse Butterscotch’s mane, you’re interrupted by your parents. There’s a tenseness in the air that you’ve been trying to ignore for the past few weeks. You’ve heard hushed conversations outside your room when you should be sleeping, your own name coming up in between words like “separation” and “alimony”. Your parents tell you of their plans to divorce. Your mother has decided to go back to her hometown in Australia, while your father is staying with the Carrington’s. They’ve discussed your living situation and have come to an agreement that it is best for you to stay in Georgia instead of uprooting you completely. You can’t imagine any other situation, even one where you are living somewhere so far away from everything you know.

It isn’t long before the separation is final. It happens quickly and without fanfare that it almost doesn’t feel real. You don’t say goodbye to your mother like you should. The day she leaves, you’re sulking in your room with the door locked, refusing to come out. You know your dad has the keys to every room of the manor and could easily force you to make an appearance, but he chooses to leave you alone, knowing that pressing anymore could cause you to lash out instead. She could’ve stayed close by, even if it wasn’t in the manor with you and your father. You feel like she’s chosen to abandon you instead.

It's boring being alone in your room, but you are too stubborn to leave. You’ve colored pictures and read books to keep you entertained, but as evening sets in you’ve run out of things to do. Your stomach growls loudly, reminding you that you haven’t eaten all day. Maybe you could sneak into the kitchen and grab something, but you’re sure one of the staff or your father would catch you.

When you’ve decided to cut your losses for the day and just go to bed, you see a piece of paper slide under your door. You grab it and read the note that has been scribbled in bright blue colored pencil.

_Hi,_

_I know you are probably still upset and don’t want to talk to anyone, but I brought you something to eat. You don’t have to come out right now. I’ll just leave it by the door for you._

\- _Fallon_

You immediately open the door to see Fallon, obviously surprised that you made an appearance. She is standing there with a tray filled with a variety of food.

“I didn’t know what you might want so I had Mrs. Gunnerson make a little bit of everything. Your dad gave me some ideas too.”

You let her inside and she sets the tray on your bed where your eyes wander over the options presented to you. You decide on starting with the grilled cheese and making your way to the fairy bread.

“Um…do you want me to stay?” she shyly asks. “We don’t have to talk about anything, if you don’t want to.”

You give her a nod before grabbing one of the many plates and sitting down on the floor at the foot of your bed. She joins you shortly after. You won’t tell Fallon, but you’re secretly glad for the silent company.

* * *

Your parents’ divorce doesn’t get any easier for you to process. It’s not fair that Fallon gets to have her own parents _and_ your father doing everything for her. You find yourself doing anything you can to get his attention, even if it results in being punished. Your jealousy also causes you to take your anger out on Fallon directly. It becomes a game to you, destroying her toys and terrorizing her any chance you get. It’s not like you want Fallon to hate you, you just want her to feel some sense of the hurt you carry every day.

After a particularly rough day, you attack one of Fallon’s favorite dresses with a pair of scissors and retreat to your room. She comes later to confront you with a ball of fabric shreds in her hands.

“I know it was you Kirby! You’re such a psycho freak. Why can’t you leave my things alone?”

You feel your chest tighten before you break into heaping sobs, letting the storm of emotions take over your entire body. You’re not crying just because Fallon is yelling at you. You’re crying because you miss your mom and regret not saying goodbye. Your dad is so busy he barely has time for you. You hate that you feel like you have to do terrible things just to get someone to notice you. She would normally call you a baby for the way you are sniffling, but this time is different. She stops her tirade with a sigh and decides to console you instead.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to tell on you. I’ll just have Daddy buy me a new one.”

She joins you on the bed, taking one of your hands in hers and setting them into her lap. Once you’ve calmed down, she speaks up.

“You know, my mom and dad fight too.”

“It’s not the same,” you say wiping tears from your eyes. “They’re still together.”

“Well I don’t think they love each other. People who love each other shouldn’t fight all the time.”

“People who love each other still fight. Maybe they’re scared and don’t know any other way to show it. Look at us. We fight all the time.”

“That’s stupid,” she quickly bites back before restraining herself, not wanting to make you cry again. 

“Besides, that’s different. We’re friends. We’re not in love with each other.”

Maybe you’re too young to understand love completely, but sometimes you feel like you love Fallon. The way her hand feels holding yours is nice and she continues to be kind to you even when she has every reason not to.

Fallon’s voice brings you back to reality.

“Can you at least find something else for you to use your scissors on the next time you’re upset? Or tell me what I did wrong?”

Everything you’ve been feeling is too complicated to break down into one answer, so you just nod in a silent agreement.

That seems to be a good enough response for her as she gives you a small smile and your hand a supportive squeeze before leaving your room.

The next morning, you find an envelope on the floor underneath your door. You pick it up to see your name written in gold ink on the front. When you open it, you see she’s braided you a bracelet using the remains of the dress. You immediately put it on and find an outfit to match. As you arrive at the breakfast table, you see a similar one wrapped around Fallon’s wrist.

“I like your bracelet,” you say with a shy smile as you gesture to the fabric wrapped around your wrist.

You can’t help but notice the grin that slides across her face before she regains her composure in fear of someone else seeing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This obviously a designer bracelet. You’re just trying to copy me again.”

In that moment, you decide you’ll never take it off and to your surprise, neither does she.

* * *

You two are practically inseparable. It’s always Fallon & Kirby or Kirby & Fallon. Even when you do fight, you’ve made up by the end of the day. Some days you don’t feel completely in control of your whirlwind of emotions, but Fallon tries to be understanding. Calls with your mother seem to bring out the worst in you, even when it is a pleasant conversation. Those are the days your father makes sure to keep you away from Fallon to prevent any outbursts.

The seasons change and the years pass as you continue growing up together. You’re playing hide and seek, like many times you have before, when things suddenly shift. Fallon rolls her eyes at your request for the game, but still agrees to appease you. You still find yourself getting lost in the many rooms and corridors, even though you’ve lived here for so long. You decide to make your way downstairs to the cellar, knowing you aren’t allowed there without an adult, but it’s one of the best hiding spots in the house. Not only is it the farthest from Fallon’s room, but she still has never learned to look there first.

As time passes and your legs are going numb from crouching behind a row of barrels, you hear footsteps outside the door. Your heart races in anticipation and you hold your breath, even though you know it won’t stop Fallon from discovering you. The door opens and you clench your eyes shut as if it will make you invisible. Instead, you hear two voices. You peek between a crack to see your father and Fallon’s mother. They’re arguing over something, but you can’t make out what. It isn’t long before Fallon is right behind them, looking for you. No one has spotted you yet and you know how much trouble you’ll be if they do. The adults end their discussion and you think you are in the clear, peeking out once more to make your escape. Until Alexis sees you.

“Kirby! What are you doing? You know you aren’t allowed down here! Get out from behind those barrels.”

Once you’re in full view of the adults, your father sternly recommends that you and Fallon find somewhere else to play. You promptly run upstairs to find her.

That night you can’t sleep, feeling uneasy from the tone of the conversation that was taking place in the cellar. Instead of tossing and turning, you leave your room in search of comfort and find yourself in front of Fallon’s room. Your hand hovers over the doorknob, but you can’t bring yourself to open it. Almost on cue, the door swings open and you’re face to face with the other girl.

“Kirby? What are you doing here?”

She stares at you with a puzzled look on her face. Your mouth gapes and you struggle to form words, suddenly aware of how pretty her eyes are in the dim light. Did they always look like that?

“Can I sleep with you tonight? I…had a bad dream.”

She opens the door to allow you in before returning to bed. You wait for her to slide in on her preferred side before joining her. Once you’re situated against the feather pillows and 1000 thread count sheets, you close your eyes to try and calm your racing thoughts. It doesn’t take much longer for you to drift into a peaceful sleep with Fallon by your side.

You wake up when you’re struggling to breathe, gasping for air before profusely coughing, feeling your lungs burn. It’s practically impossible to see through the thick smoke that has filled Fallon’s room. You turn to shake her awake, but see she is already sitting up, completely frozen in fear.

“Fallon.” You call to her, but she doesn’t move. You grab her hand, your touch causing her to snap out of her daze and pull her out of bed to safely follow you into the hallway.

The fire department arrives shortly after to extinguish the blaze, but no one is prepared to deal with the aftermath it brings. Mrs. Carrington takes to questioning you like you are the culprit of the crime.

“What were you doing in there? I caught you sneaking around earlier and now this? Anders, your daughter is out of control. This behavior is unacceptable.”

Your father tries to calmly diffuse the situation, but unfortunately fails.

“Alexis, I am sure there is a logical explanation for all of this. We can figure it out in the morning.”

“She’s torn Fallon’s wardrobe to shreds, destroyed her toys. You can’t stand here and tell me she isn’t responsible! She is unpredictable and unstable. She needs professional help.”

Your father won’t step in to defend you, no matter how many times you say you didn’t do it. He knows the divorce has caused you to lash out in unpredictable ways, especially where Fallon is concerned.

The next day, the staff is helping you pack up your entire room. You’re ushered from the home, unceremoniously, begging your father to let you stay. The last thing you see through your unshed tears and the back of the taxi window is Fallon. You didn’t even get to say goodbye.

* * *

Living with your mother is different than you expected. She’s welcomed you with open arms and you’ve quickly rebuilt your broken relationship. It’s a nice change of pace from the drama that seemed to plague the manor. You’re learning things that you might have never picked up in the pampered Carrington lifestyle. Besides the therapist you are now required to see weekly, everything seems to be going well.

A few months into your new life, you’re surprised when you receive a letter from the states. You hadn’t expected to receive much more than a phone call from your father for your birthday. He had become more distant since the day of the fire. You open it to find that it’s a letter from Fallon. She tells you how things are at the manor. Her mother and father continue to be a source of grief and are soon to be divorced. She’s on track to have a position at her father’s company by the time she’s sixteen. They have a new dog, a bloodhound named Bo, who has become Fallon’s best friend. She also tells you how she misses you and hopes you are doing well. As much as you’re learning to love Australia, your heart aches to go back to Atlanta. If you can’t be there, you can at least keep up some correspondence through mail.

You tell her about how you’ve made up with your mother and you can go to the beach almost every day. You’re making new friends, but none of them will ever be as cool as her. You send similar sentiments of missing the manor and all the fun you two used to have. When it is finished, you’re practically begging your mother to drive you to the post office to deliver it.

When the next one comes, you’re instantly reading it and drafting a response. Even with all the new adventures you are having in Australia, Fallon’s letters are still the thing you look forward to the most. 

Through the next few years, the frequency of the messages slow down. It’s understandable since you both are living such separate and busy lives. Then, they stop completely. You wonder if you said something that upset her. Maybe she just hasn’t had time to reply. You hope that she doesn’t hate you, like the rest of her family, and wants nothing to do with you anymore. You had gained a reputation of being a wild child and your abrupt exit from her life has never been mentioned again.

You think about calling her, but something always stops you. You’re often one click away from dialing out, your hand hovers over the button, before you exit out of the app. She’s in the back of your mind often, especially when little things remind you of her.

You thought you had recovered from some of your childhood traumas, but being suddenly ignored by the friend you miss most is bringing back repressed memories. Instead of dealing with them in a healthy manner, you turn to alternative methods of medicating. You are always careful to hide the pills and liquor from your mother. You don’t let yourself get completely wasted, but often just enough to stave off whatever nightmare your brain wants to concoct that night.

The morning after one of your many benders, when you’re in the middle of nursing a hangover, your mother hands you an envelope addressed to you. Your heart stops when you read the return address, and you messily rip it open, hoping that maybe it’s a letter. Instead, a single card with gold and silver foil lettering is enclosed, announcing a wedding: Steven Carrington is getting married. You accept it as an invitation to visit the home you once knew, planning on packing and leaving as soon as possible. Maybe it will bring closure to go back to the home of your past.

* * *

The plane ride into America leaves you groggy, but you are able to navigate your way back to the manor with relative ease. Your memories of your time here are fuzzy, and you’ve convinced yourself that Fallon is to blame, especially since she stopped contacting you years ago. Your father isn’t pleased when you show up unannounced at the manor and he rushes to secure you temporary housing in the downtown area. You try to explain the invitation you received for the wedding, but he assures you it was a mistake. With nothing to do but sit around all day, you fall back into the bad habits you picked up while away. Finding a group of people who can supply drugs and alcohol to keep you company in your high-rise apartment is almost too easy. You throw large parties, letting yourself get lost in the revolving group of strangers that wander in, until you are forced to find less lavish accommodations.

Your first encounter with Fallon is a fluke, though you shouldn’t be surprised since your obsession with her has you sneaking around her room days after your arrival. Jealousy and other unidentifiable feelings bubble in your stomach when you see her at the club, that you can’t help but start trouble just for the fun of it. There’s a thrill that accompanies getting under Fallon’s skin again, even just for a short time.

After your fight, she has disappeared from your radar. You aren’t going out of your way to avoid her, but she seems to mysteriously evade you, even when you are allowed back in the manor. The secret that has haunted you for years is now at the forefront of your mind and you are determined to pin down the reason for your untimely dismissal from the place you used to call home. Your father continues to be tight lipped about the matter, but you are able to catch him in a web of lies. You think you have everything figured out, teasing Fallon by calling her your sister at the next big Carrington event. It would explain the strange pull you’ve had to her all these years. However, everyone is shocked to find out that the real black sheep is Steven, no longer a true heir to the Carrington fortune. This seems to spark Fallon’s ability to tolerate you again, maybe even respect you for the work you put into exposing yet another family secret.

* * *

Inviting yourself to her girls only getaway probably isn’t the smartest way to get back on her good side, but maybe you’ll have some time to rekindle old bonds. The trip is nothing like you expect, with Fallon pining after a man who no longer shows interest in her. Of course, no one can talk sense into her when she’s set her mind on what she wants.

She leaves the mountain resort defeated and broken, with no plans for the future, uncharacteristic of the Fallon you used to know. When you arrive home, she promptly locks herself away in her room, requesting that everyone leaves her alone. Unable to stay away for long, you do what you’ve always done best and try to be the friend she needs. You want to hug her and maybe offer some consoling words, but all you can do is dumbly apologize, watching as Fallon tries not to completely crumble in front of you. It’s obvious that this Liam meant a lot to her and she needs to take some time to herself to mend her broken heart.

“I’m here for you, if you need a friend,” you tell her and you mean it, before leaving her to process her grief.

* * *

You don’t hear from Fallon for a few days until she magically springs back, recruiting you to help her market her latest project, a personal memoir of her success as a young business woman. You’re grateful to be closer to her again but can’t help but feel like you’re always doing something wrong. You spend so much time worrying about your body language, hoping she doesn’t notice the lingering looks you’ve thrown her way on many occasions. You’re finally in a good place as friends and you can’t afford to mess it up now.

She’s devised an elaborate plan to pitch her book at the next family gala and you step in as an unofficial wingman. It’s strange to be a welcome guest in the manor again, especially since Fallon has invited you. Part way through the event, her dreams are shattered as she overhears the publishers plans to use her as a stepping stone to get to their desired prize: Blake Carrington. You watch her drink straight from a champagne bottle for the rest of the night, trying to drown the frustrations of being overshadowed by her father once again. As the party carries on, she pulls you away from the festivities to the comforts of her room, unable to take being overlooked for both the book and a company promotion in the same moment. Once there, she flops back on her bed with a loud sigh.

“Men are a disappointment,” you hear her mutter through her hands that now cover her face.

Sitting beside her you try your best to console her by offering some words of encouragement.

“I’m sorry they used you like that. You worked really hard on all this and they deserved to give you a chance.”

She sits up, pursing her lips in thought, before looking at you.

“Well at least I have someone who believes in me.”

She’s suddenly kissing you and you aren’t sure what to do besides tentatively kiss her back. It’s everything you’ve imagined. Her lips soft against yours, desperately searching for something, though you aren’t sure what. When you’ve finally let yourself relax into it, she pulls away and pushes at your shoulders in one swift motion. You feel like you’ve crossed a line even though you weren’t the one to initiate.

“I’m sorry. This was a mistake. We can’t do this.”

She promptly gets up from the bed, leaving you alone in her room, wishing things were different.

* * *

You try to find anything that feels like the kiss you shared with her, as you go from guy to guy, craving that same feeling of being desired again. Your friendship always had conditions and you are tired of letting the whim of Fallon’s turbulent moods decide where you stand. It feels like you are friends sometimes, but other times you are just a pawn in her latest business scheme. She refuses to acknowledge your continuous loyalty, taking time and energy from you until you are nothing but a shell of a person. You have to escape and you take the first opportunity you can, first by acquiring her business, then finding a community filled with people who are willing to accept your past transgressions and help you heal. Maybe running away will make it easier to forget that Fallon Carrington was ever a part of your story.

You’re surprised when she shows up to stop you from rebuilding your life. You can see the desperation in her eyes, the need to save you from yourself, but your self-destructive tendencies still linger. You want her to know what it felt like when you lost her, unable to do more than hope you could see her again. The lengths she is willing to go, even at the risk of embarrassing herself, prove how much she cares. Her final speech to you seems genuine, laced with concern for your well-being, rather than any focus on what she wants. It’s enough to convince you to come home again.

Once inside, you allow yourself to be carried up the stairs to Fallon’s room, your body buzzing with anticipation of what you hope is happening next. As the door closes, it seems like she is about to kiss you, but stops short, her eyes begging you for permission to continue. You are the one to initiate contact and you feel her start to relax as your lips meet.

You’ve obviously kissed before, but it feels different this time. It’s timid and soft, reminiscent of the past and unlike the Fallon you’ve come to know now. You’re scared to mess it up, feeling like the woman in front of you might dissolve into dust. The two of you are a flurry of kisses and discarded garments of clothing as you make your way to her bed, tumbling onto the mattress. When you pull away for a moment, you see her face is flushed, chest rising and falling in an attempt to catch her breath. You slowly continue, methodically planning every touch. Your hands feel like they are made of fire where one mistake could burn your partner in this intimate dance, but she willingly allows you to take part. Everything is perfect in the moment and nothing can bring you down. 

* * *

When you wake up the next morning in her bed, you prepare yourself to be let down gently. You can already hear Fallon negotiating her way out of the situation, with a list of reasons why last night was a mistake. You want to believe it wasn’t, but your interactions with Fallon never end up being as straightforward as last night felt. You stare at the ceiling, refusing to move from the spot while your stomach churns with anxiety. You feel her shift and look over to see her staring at you, a content smile spread across her face. 

“Hi,” she whispers to you.

You are able to breathe out a short greeting in response. “Hey.”

You tense up at her touch when she moves closer and wraps her arm around your waist, settling into your side.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, noticing the change in your disposition.

You can already feel the tears forming in your eyes and your throat closes up, keeping you from speaking further.

“Kirby?”

You allow yourself to take a deep, yet shaky breath before speaking up.

“I don’t want this to be a dream.”

You look down at her to see her watching you expectantly, wanting you to continue your explanation.

“What are we?”

“What do you want to be?” she pushes back.

“What we’ve always been. I know you’ve felt it too.”

She lets your statement hang in the air for a moment before responding. 

“Then maybe we can start now.”

* * *

So here you are, at your favorite restaurant which Fallon has rented out for the evening, trying to keep light conversation while your head swirls with all the possible outcomes to the event that is about to take place. What if she says no? What if she says yes? What if she hates the ring? What if she planned all this just to dump you at the end of the night? There is no way to know what will happen unless you try.

“Hey Fallon?” you get her attention, finally gaining the courage to go forward.

Her bright blue eyes directing their attention on you are making you nervous again. That fluttery feeling in your heart feels exactly like that first night you spent together.

“I’ve been thinking…”

“Uh oh. We all know how much trouble that can cause,” she replies as she takes a sip from her wine glass.

The tension that has been building in your shoulders releases as you laugh at her teasing remark.

“I don’t think you’ll be opposed to this idea, at least I hope not.”

You’ve been fiddling with the box the whole night, mostly to make sure it’s still there and you haven’t dropped it anywhere. There continues to be an internal debate on whether you should preface the proposal traditionally by getting down on one knee, however you know that you and Fallon are anything but. You decided to reach across the table and hold her hands in yours.

“Fallon Carrington. We’ve been through a lot together, from being friends, to enemies, to business partners in crime. Now look at us. Even after our lives took us in separate directions, we still found our way back to each other. It’s like it was meant to be.”

You free up one hand to reach into your pocket, pulling the ring box out to present it to her.

“Will you do me the honor of continuing this wild journey and marry me?”

Her eyes and mouth widen in surprise. “Are…are you sure?”

“What do you mean? Are you not sure?” you ask in response. Have you been misreading everything? Was this a mistake?

“I mean…you know me…I’m…me. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

You laugh again, realizing her insecurities far outweigh your own in the moment. “Fallon, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“Then yes, Kirby Anders. I will.”

She lets you slide the ring onto her finger before standing up to properly kiss you. You’re the happiest you’ve ever been and you can’t wait to see what comes next.

  
  
  



	2. Always and Forever

You’re standing in front of the full-length mirror, adjusting your dress for what feels like the twentieth time, making sure it isn’t going to magically fall apart midday. You make one last mental checklist of all the things that needed to be done the day before, from flowers, to photographers, but know that even if you missed something it’s too late to turn back now. The last time you were dressed like this, you were also nervous but for a completely different reason. Now the event is happening as intended. There are no business dealings or side schemes to tarnish the ceremony. Steven has been nothing but supportive and helpful as you’ve fretted over this day for months. Of course, Kirby has been there too, but you didn’t want to hassle her with the intricacies of planning a Carrington event. You want every detail to be perfect since things like this are never easy with your family.

You tell your bridal entourage that you want a few moments to yourself, to hopefully breathe and calm your nerves. It seems to have all caught up with you that this is real. You and Kirby are minutes away from getting married. Your relationship with her hasn’t always been a straightforward path, but you feel like it has all worked out in your favor in the end.

* * *

On a Sunday, your parents bring you and Steven into the main room to tell you about the new guests who will be staying in your home. Anders, the family butler, hasn’t mentioned his own family until now, but you assume it is because his life seems to revolve completely on serving yours.

His daughter, Kirby, is close to your age so your parents automatically assume you will be the best of friends. You become her unofficial chaperone, showing her around the house in the hopes she won’t get lost. She’s wild and loud, always asking you questions about the silliest things. Within a few days, you hate how she has invaded your home and your life. Every time you try to go anywhere, you swear she is right on your tail, terrorizing you with some discovery she’s made outside. If this is what a little sister would be like, you’re grateful your parents never decided to have more children.

Somehow, Kirby grows on you the more time you spend trying to push her away. It’s endearing how hard she is trying to be your friend even though you two are nothing alike, but you’ve always enjoyed it when you are able to get your way. She lets you make all the rules for the games you play. Getting to boss her around becomes your favorite pastime. At some point you relent to letting her play with your collection of Barbies and the massive Dream House you received for Christmas. Maybe being friends with Kirby isn’t so bad after all.

* * *

You don’t realize how important your new friendship is until you need it most.

It’s a crisp fall day when you decide to take your horse, Butterscotch, out for a short ride. As you are bringing him back to the stable, he becomes skittish. You’re not sure what has spooked him, but try to regain control and redirect his energy. He’s startled again and bucks in such a way that you lose your grip on the reigns and are immediately thrown backwards. Your foot gets caught in the stirrups, and you feel your ankle twist as you break free. You land on top of your arm at an awkward angle, hearing the crack before feeling the searing pain run from your shoulder to your fingertips.

Luckily, Kirby is nearby to go get help. It’s the only time you don’t make fun of her for wanting to catch lizards and frogs in the bushes. When she comes back with her dad, you try not to cry, but your eyes betray you as they well up with tears, more from embarrassment at your current predicament than the pain of your injuries.

Once you’re in the house, the doctor comes to evaluate you, diagnosing your injuries one by one. You won’t be able to do much of anything for a while with your ankle tightly bandaged and your arm forming a rigid right angle. Staying in bed all day would normally be boring, but Kirby has committed herself to being your nurse and keeping you company. She brings up her collection of animal encyclopedias and you take turns looking at the pictures and deciding which of the thousands of creatures you could be friends with.

“I think I would want to be friends with a kangaroo rat,” she says, breaking a comfortable silence that had settled in the room.

“Why would you want to be friends with a rat? That’s stupid. They’re dirty and gross.”

“A _kangaroo rat._ Not a regular rat. Look how cute they are!” She points at a creature with a long tail and abnormally large feet.

“Being cute doesn’t help you in the wild. Predators don’t care if you’re cute. That thing would get eaten in an instant.”

“Well what animal do you want to be friends with that isn’t “stupid?’” emphasizing with air quotes.

You ponder the question for a moment before providing an answer.

“A cheetah because they are fast and at the top of the food chain.”

“A cheetah could kill you.”

“Well if it was my friend, it would kill for me instead. Maybe bring me your little kangaroo rat as a trophy,” you tease.

Kirby gasps, appalled at your suggestion. “Fallon! That’s awful!”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have picked such a dumb animal.”

She slams the book in her lap shut, going to grab the rest of the collection off the bed, including the one you still have in your uninjured hand. Just as she is almost out of the room and you realize she is going to leave you all alone, you swallow your pride to apologize.

“Kirby, please don’t leave. I’m sorry.”

She turns back around, frustration still set on her face.

“Can you tell me more about the kangaroo rat?”

“Fine, but you better not call any other animals stupid.”

She crawls back onto your bed to continue reading facts and showing you various pictures. Calmed by the sound of her voice, you start to drift off to sleep. Maybe being stuck inside won't be as awful as you thought it would.

* * *

For your 12th birthday, you decide you want to have a sleepover party. Your mother pushes you into inviting Kirby as well, which you do with reluctance, even though you consider her a friend now. You don’t want to be embarrassed in front of your friends from school, knowing they are nothing like Kirby. She’s…special. You’re not sure how else to describe her. They won’t understand her like you do.

She comes up to your room to set up her things before the rest of your friends arrive. As she is unrolling her sleeping bag and fluffing her pillow, you see a furry object lying on the ground next to her blanket. Upon further inspection, you realize it’s an animal.

“You sleep with a stuffed animal still?” you question. “What is it? A large rat?”

“It’s not a rat! It’s a _wombat_ and he has a name!” she yells, snatching it back from you.

“Oh…well what’s his name?”

“Montgomery. My mom gave him to me.”

She holds him tightly under one arm while continuing to adjust her sleeping area. You know her mother is a sore subject ever since her parents got divorced so you don’t push any further.

Monica, Trixie, and Carly arrive soon after and you try to introduce everyone. Kirby is uncharacteristically quiet, showing some shyness around the newcomers. You can already tell there is going to be trouble in trying to blend your friend groups together. When Kirby leaves the room to grab something from downstairs, Trixie moves to grab the stuffed wombat from his nest of blankets.

“How old is she?” she asks with a laugh. “Only a baby sleeps with these anymore.”

She throws the object to Carly who squeals and bats it away towards Monica. “Get it away from me! It probably has germs.”

The three take turns passing the poor creature around and laughing before you decide to intervene. 

“Okay, stop it!” You take Montgomery away to hide him under your bed to stop any further teasing.

When Kirby returns, she immediately notices her missing friend.

“Fallon, did you see where I put Montgomery?”

She searches frantically, tossing pillows and blankets around trying to find him. Your friends pretend to be distracted with some quizzes in a Tiger Beat magazine while hiding knowing smirks and giggles. You want to defend her, but you can’t bring yourself to do it, choosing to take part in making fun of her instead.

“You’re too old to be sleeping with a stuffed animal,” you tell her. “Stop being such a baby.”

You know that was the wrong thing to say as her face crumples in distress.

“Why do you always have to be so mean to me? I thought we were friends.” She’s only able to snatch up her pillow in frustration before storming out of the room.

A feeling of guilt sits in the pit of your stomach for the rest of the night. Kirby should be here, letting you paint her nails, having pillow fights, and watching movies. The opinion of your other friends shouldn’t dictate who you have at your birthday party just because they think she’s weird.

You tell the girls that you are going to get more snacks before pulling the wombat from its hiding spot and making your way downstairs to Kirby’s room. Her door is slightly open and even though there are no lights on, you know she’s probably inside.

“Kirby?” you ask into the silence of the dark room.

You hear her sigh before giving you a response. “What?”

“Are you still awake?”

“If I wasn’t awake would I be talking to you?”

You know she’s being stubborn because she’s upset with you.

“I know where Montgomery is,” you tell her.

You can see her form shift to sit up in her bed to look at you. “You do?”

You pull the furry beast out from behind your back and walk closer to her to hand him over.

“I took him away from you. I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because I was embarrassed, and I didn’t want anyone to make fun of you. I know it’s stupid.” You cross your arms over your chest, suddenly feeling vulnerable. “I like you a lot Kirby and I shouldn’t let anyone else get in the way of that.”

You watch as she brushes his fur with her fingers, not looking directly at you.

“Do you want to come back upstairs? We’re still watching Disney movies and have way too much candy and popcorn left.”

“Can Montgomery come too?”

“Of course.” You take her hand and walk back to your room together. Once inside, you clear your throat to make an announcement.

“Kirby and Montgomery are both welcome at my party. If anyone has anything rude to say about it, then you’ll also have to say it to me.” You pull your old teddy bear out of hiding as a sign of solidarity and set it against your pillow. You take their resounding silence as an agreement.

“So what kind of animal is that anyway?” Monica asks.

You can’t help but smile when Kirby brings up her animal knowledge, animatedly describing all she knows about wombats and using Montgomery as a prop for emphasis. It might take some time, but they’ll have to accept that Kirby is your friend too, no matter how different she may seem.

* * *

Nothing seems strange about the time that Kirby shows up at your bedroom door in the middle of the night. You gladly let her join you. It’s not like you haven’t ended up in her room on multiple occasions when you were unable to calm down during a bad thunderstorm.

You think it’s a bad dream that jolts you awake moments later, but when you open your eyes things are worse than you could’ve ever imagined. You can barely make out flames among the thick, black smoke that is starting to fill the air. Kirby grabs your hand, bringing you out of a frozen state and pulls you to the safety of the hallway. You can feel yourself starting to panic as you’re left alone while Kirby goes to get an adult. It doesn’t take long for the fire department to arrive, and they quickly douse the flames before coming to check you for signs of injury. 

Your mother is furious. You’re having a hard time listening to the accusations she is throwing out, but Kirby looks scared. The room feels like it’s spinning, and you can’t tell if it’s hard to breathe because of the lingering smoke or the panic that fills your head. You sit down on the cool, marble floor, trying to block out the yelling and slow your breathing. Before you know it, you’ve blacked out in the hallway.

You wake up the next day in one of the guest bedrooms, unsure of how you got there. The memories of the smoke and flames that filled your room come rushing back and you spring out of bed to make sure you aren’t imagining things. The side of the manor that is home to your bedroom is still cut off with various safety tape, but that doesn’t stop you from going to investigate the damage. You’re able to gather up a few items that survived the fire. 

As you continue digging through the rubble, you hear commotion downstairs. A variety of distressed voices echo against the high ceilings. You take what you’ve collected and set it in the hallway before going to the railing by the stairs. You see Kirby, her father, and stacks of boxes that are slowly making their way outside with the help of the various staff. She’s visibly upset, suitcase in hand as her father walks her out the front door. You feel yourself running, almost taking the stairs two at a time, just to get to the door a second too late. You catch a final glimpse of Kirby in the car rear window before it’s driving away.

* * *

The aftermath of the fire leads to the removal of Kirby from your life. Her sudden departure still doesn’t make sense to you, but everyone tells you it is for the best when they won’t answer your continuous questions. There’s a void that seems to haunt you in all the places you used to share together. Her old bedroom is kept unoccupied, under lock and key. It almost feels like she’s died since everyone is too afraid to speak her name, especially when you are within earshot.

Your mind wanders to her on occasion, wondering how she is doing in a foreign country. You would call her but getting her phone number would require going to Anders, who would definitely tell your parents. Instead you decide to write a letter, bribing Culhane to get her address and mail it off for you. You know your plan has worked when you get one back in response. It seems like she is adjusting well to her new life, which you are happy for, but it doesn’t make you miss her any less. You keep up a healthy correspondence with Kirby over the next few years, even if it takes months between each letter. 

During one of her visits, your mother catches you awake in the middle of the night when you are deep in thought writing. She’s surprised when you tell her you’ve been talking to Kirby. She’s never been eager to tell you the details of the fire that happened years ago, but takes this moment to elaborate and establish the younger girl’s role in it all. It seems that after investigating, the fire was deliberately set. The only other person in the room that night besides you was Kirby. You don’t want to believe that Kirby would ever do such a thing, but your mother has planted the seed of doubt. You thought the two of you were finally friends. You didn’t always get along, but what friends did? Did she secretly hate you? Maybe she was still jealous of the life you had.

The letter never makes it out of your room. You stuff it in a box full of trinkets that you keep under your bed, memories of past events and adventures you shared with Kirby that had survived that awful night. Soon, she’s nothing but a memory of the past, a girl you used to know.

* * *

You’re surprised to see her at Monica’s new club years later as you walk hand in hand with your current boyfriend. She’s wearing one of your dresses, which can only mean she’s been sneaking around the manor, violating the space you’ve rebuilt without her. You can tell she’s prepared for a fight, the fire in her eyes alight like the flames that tore through your bedroom on that night you’ve tried to forget. You almost want it too, an excuse to scream at her for all the horrible things she did to you when you were kids, for leaving you without closure. You aren’t sure who initiates it, but the colliding of your shoulders as you ascend the staircase causes you to lash out, creating a scene as you grab fabric and hair in your hands. Michael and a nearby security guard jump in to pull the two of you apart. Your favorite black dress is ruined but at least she isn’t going to be able to wear it anymore.

* * *

Your limited interactions with her are rocky until she cunningly attempts to blow the lid off yet another family secret. Your brother is really your half-brother and your mother continues to be the liar and cheat you’ve imagined her to be. Kirby also never started the fire. Your reason for hating her is dissolved in an instant, but you don’t let yourself become friends just yet. You’re still not sure if you can trust her again.

With time, and more effort on her part than you care to acknowledge, your relationship is almost back to normal. The Fallon and Kirby power duo that used to rule the small kingdom of the manor is strong. She becomes an ally and maybe a friend in your quest to build an empire. Your temper gets the better of you multiple times, but she loyally comes back no matter what. Until one day, she doesn’t. You’ve pushed too far, and she seizes the opportunity to escape, taking your company with her. You think you don’t have time to chase her since you have other business things to worry about, but as soon as her father asks for your help, you’re gathering resources and devising a plan to bring her home.

You’ve done a variety of crazy things for the people you love, but this probably tops the list. Donning a blonde wig and enlisting in your psychotic brother for help almost ends in disaster. Kirby is not ready to easily forgive and forget, but you can’t blame her either. You’ve never been good with your feelings and it takes all the strength you can muster to give her the apology she deserves. You don’t expect her to accept it or even take it to heart, given all you’ve done to keep her at a distance. But somehow wearing your heart on your sleeve has convinced her to come home. You settle into a comfortable silence on the ride home and she falls asleep, resting her head on your shoulder.

Once inside the manor, you see her standing in the foyer and everything feels right again. You recognize the look she gives you, like you’re the center of her universe. You’ve willfully ignored it until now, not wanting to give her false hope of things that couldn’t happen, or rather things that you were too scared to let happen. But maybe you are ready to give into the inevitable. You can tell she’s nervous too since all you’ve done is push her away until now.

You hold out your hand, feeling your skin tingle in anticipation as she eagerly accepts. You’re practically dragging her up the stairs to your room, feeling like you’re kids again. You stop short of kissing her once the door is closed. Your nerves have caught up to you and you hope you haven’t misread the situation. When her lips meet yours, you’re able to relax again, letting the pieces fall into place. In that moment, you know everything between you two has changed.

* * *

“Hey Fallon?” Steven calls to you, breaking you from your daydream. “I think everyone’s ready.”

You give yourself one more glance in the mirror, taking a deep breath before following him out of the bridal room. Even if you looked a complete mess, you know Kirby wouldn’t care.

You meet her right outside the main hall and you’re already at a loss for words. Her gown is reminiscent of the day when you brought her home, except this time, she isn’t running away in hopes of starting over. This time, she is here to stay and start a new life with you.

“Are you ready?” she asks and all you can do is nod. You’ve decided to walk down the aisle together, hand in hand, after the rest of the wedding party makes their entrance.

The ceremony is a blur. The minister’s words blend together and you’re having a hard time paying attention, unable to look away from the woman in front of you. You’re in absolute awe at how beautiful she looks. You’re glad that you decided on saving personal vows for the reception because you would be a blubbering mess if you tried to get any of the words out now. You almost miss your cue to say “I do” but you definitely hear the most important words of the script.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

You’ve never kissed her with more passion in your life, feeling your heart swell as the crowd erupts into cheers and applause. It’s not the beginning of a new story, just a continuation of the one you’ve always known to be true. 

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is lyrics from Coldplay's The Scientist


End file.
